“Your baby is not growing enough in your womb and is not receiving everything he needs from your placenta due to the single umbilical artery. For that reason we are going to take you into labor and delivery immediately.” As a husband, my immediate reaction was to console my wife and reassure her as best as I could that everything would go smoothly. Was I sure about this? Absolutely not, but I knew that I needed to be the rock in our relationship, especially in such a traumatic moment of having an unscheduled C-section.
This is where my journey began, working everyday to be the best father I could be for my son in addition to the husband to my wife. My son was premature 5 weeks with a net weight of 4.9 lbs and measured 16 inches in length. He is the most precious nugget in the world. The moment my son opened his big dark grey eyes and looked at my wife, I could not hold back the tears that I had witheld the last two days in the hospital. The flood gates opened, and out came the river of tears. It was the best feeling of relief that I have ever experienced, I knew that our little fighter was going to be just fine.
I wouldn’t have been able to stay positive like I was if it wasn’t for the support from my brother-in-law. Anthony has helped me to become the best version of myself. He was able to help me connect to what really mattered in my life, and not the nonsense around us. As a husband and father, the most important thing is to help each other grow and keep ourselves honest to move forward. I began doing the deep work of reading books and listening to psychologists and peaceful parent activists such as Dr. Mate, Dr. Markham, and the philosopher Stefan Molyneux. What I really needed to focus on was myself, and I started doing that in an effort to be the best version of myself. I began reading more books than ever before that ranged from self-growth, parenting, and healing. With the likes of these books and Anthony, I realized that in order to be the best, we have to be able to heal first. I started healing from my trauma by having conversations with my parents about why they raised us the way we did. From my adolescent years, I promised myself that I would be better to my children when the time came. The benefits of an open and honest relationship with your spouse, a loving and caring relationship with your child, and surrounding yourself around people who challenge you and encourage you to grow is what is truly important. Change begins within, if you put in the time and effort, ultimately the value of your work will shine bright. Being a victim of trauma, rather than focusing on the pain and hurt, I realized what I needed to do. Many men struggle with this trauma and lash out on their spouse and children rather than addressing the root of the trauma and heal. As men it is important to reflect on our feelings and emotions, and react in a positive manner rather than the social norm reaction that has left adults with more rooted trauma than before.